AND ANOTHER THING!

**This rant was originally published October 4, 2010 in the 'Notes' section of my FaceBook page.**

1. LOOK. I've been eating at Subway longer than you have been breathing. I know what THE FUCK kind of sandwich I like and how I like it. Don't act like putting three extra fucking slices of turkey on my sandwich or enough jalepenos for me to taste them is such an inconvienience to you! IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB!!

If you are that blatantly incompetent that you can't perform your basic essential job functions - making a G-d DAMNED SANDWICH FOR FUCK'S SAKE - then just go home and walk to your room, close the door behind you, strip naked and beat the hell out of yourself!

AND! You work in Customer Service. Let me repeat myself... CUSTOMER SERVICE. Not "What a bunch of bullshit, I can't believe this bitch expects me to wait on her" service. OF COURSE I DO!! I'm a paying fucking customer.

IF you work in the service industry and you treat me as though I am an inconvienience to you and a waste of your time, I WILL CORRECT YOU.

2. IF you walk or drive in downtown Portland, OR and do not understand what a Grid System is...Please let me enlighten you...

http://www.movingtoportland.net/portland_map.htm

Numbered streets run NORTH to SOUTH. Named streets run EAST to WEST. OH!! AND DIPSHIT! By the way...Numbered streets are... NU-FUCKING-MERICAL. Named streets are...wait for it...ALPHA-FUCKING-BETICAL. AS IN 1st Street. Then there is 2nd Street. Next is 3rd Street. The named streets? Oh? I thought you'd never ask...ANKENY, BURNSIDE, COUCH, DAVIS, and MOTHER FUCKING EVERETT!!!

As with most streets in most cities there are also what are known as STREET SIGNS. READ THEM. Just because you are in a downtown doesn't mean that you have carte blanche to act like a moron. C'mon people. Really?

3. DREADLOCKS ARE NOT A HAIRSTYLE. They are the direct result of a lack of personal hygiene. You are a hippy. Go make some fucking soap and use it you fucking dirtbag.

4. I'M FUCKING READING. Don't interrupt me. Oh, really? You've read this book? Then you should know better than to break the flow of the character's monologue, you fucking asshole.

5. While I appreciate your right to be a complete idiot I do not recognize your right to attempt to coerce me into joining your club of imbeciles. If you "FEEL" that this country should be heading down a certain path but have no foundation to support your claim then it is of no consequence to me and you will NOT convert me to your perverted sense of "for the greater good". I am not interested in helping anyone that feels that they are due just because they are.

My current situation is a direct consequence of the choices that I have made over my life time. SO IS YOURS! If you have been a deadbeat layabout your entire life then you have no right to expect me to pay for your existence. Government assistance should a stepping stone not a lifestyle. I have no problem paying into a system that is set up to provide just that. A help up. Not a hand out.

6. Pay attention to the fucking world around you. If you are caught off guard then you weren't paying enough attention. Trust me on this one. It happened to me...